*Automagically*

We have been talking about taking a vacation with our good friends for a while now, but before we were talking about going to Vegas. After that shitty California trip, we decided we did not want to go to Vegas, yet, where all you can do to have fun is spend money. I think we're going to plan a whole family beach trip...meaning us, our puppies, them, and their puppies. We're thinking maybe the Outer Banks in NC where they have lots of dog-friendly beaches and renting a house. It seems really expensive there, so we're also going to look at some closer places to see about prices and such. If we do this, it will probably be this summer before I take my boards. This is going to be awesome because I really don't want to leave Dexter again for a vacation, but this way he comes with me! And I know that he would absolutely looove the beach! And what better way to enjoy a vacation then to go lay out and relax on the beach (for free) with the love of your life and your best friend! This beach trip is a genius idea! And what better way to get ready for my boards then to go on a relaxing vacation!

Which reminds me that I found out that I can start working as a Nurse Practitioner right away as soon as I graduate! Apparently I can see patients and everything, but someone else has to write prescriptions for me until I pass my boards. This is so great because now I can take my time and study right to take my boards instead of rushing to take them right away so I can start working. $70 grand a year plus insurance plus getting all my student loans paid for, here I come! Can May get here sooner? I already know a few places I'm going to apply. I think I will definitely go for Clay where I am doing my clinical rotation if they have an opening because it is so laid back there, they have their own pharmacy, and I already know the people that work there! It's about a 45 minute drive from home, but where am I going to go to work that doesn't have a decent drive associated with it! Umm no where!

Did a crappy job on my test this evening, but I still have two more tests this semester to bring it up. And I have a paper due next week. Ick. But my best buddy Adrienne is coming to see me this weekend! Yummy foods and fun games! I can't wait!

But until then, I have to go back to work tomorrow. I really don't want to. I hate this job. No respect as a nurse. They can suck it. I'm quitting the second I am able.

Christmas is coming soon, and we are poor. Definitely going to have to cut out most of the people we usually buy presents for this year. Hmm, how about the people who don't buy us crap? Yes, that will work. And brothers and sisters that never get us anything in return. And how about their 12 kids, too since we buy them stuff every year and never get anything from their mommies and daddies. I hate to do that, but buying 12 nieces and nephews gifts really adds up. Especially when you can only get them something crappy for around $10 a piece anyway. Who knows. I guess we will see what the bank looks like when the time comes, but we've been spending a lot of money on different things lately, and I'm not working a ton...or getting paid much.

Maybe I'll skimp on Christmas cards this year, too.

Don't judge me.

Oh, and that 10 pounds I said I lost, apparently it was only around 6. Wii fit tells me differently though. But it's still poundage, and I'm expecting lots more to fall off on it's own...automagically. Schwang. Rusty lost 6 pounds, too.

Mr. and Mrs. Awesome Sauce


Ohh...and shows that you should be watching right now. Because I am, and they are awesome. They keep me going week by week....

1. Dexter
2. Boardwalk Empire
3. Weeds
4. The Big C
5. Jerseylicious
6. LA Ink (their real shop isn't the one on the show btw...rip off)
7. The Biggest Loser
8. The Walking Dead (new zombie show on AMC based on a comic...so awesome, probably my new favorite...other than True Blood of course)
9. Scrubs reruns. As always.

This winter Big Love comes on for their last season. And US of Tara which I heart a bunch.

If you don't watch these shows, then shame on you. You should be.

I don't think I can go back to real life this week. I can already tell it's going to be a horrible week. And I have a test Tuesday, a paper due in a little over a week that I haven't started on, 24 hours of clinical time, and back to a job I hate.

On one happy note...I've lost around 10 pounds without even trying and stuffing my face like mad on 8 days of crappy vacation. Now that's talent.

I'm awesome sauce.

California 2010 Pictures!!

Farewell beach. I hate you California.

Wow...the beach is not supposed to look like this.

My awesome meal at Red Lobster with fresh wood fire grilled salmon and snow crab legs! Yum!!

Tenacious D live at Blizzcon 2010. Awesome show!

Jack Black on the big screen!

Uh oh.

Russell's worst nightmare...

Did I mention we totally met Kevin Bacon, Tom Hanks, and Bill from Big Love? lolol

Melissa and Joey (our friends that we met on WOW) acting goofy at Universal Studios.

This is the woman who caused us to waste over an hour of our day waiting in line at Universal Studios...

Monday was supposed to be our beach day, but we ended up at Disneyland instead due to crummy weather. We actually had a blast and the lines were short since kiddies are in school and not a lot of people thought the happiest place on earth would be so happy on a cold and rainy day!

While we were at Disneyland, we ate at a BBQ place, and Russell actually ate ribs off the bone!! So proud!

The vacation from HELL!

California sucks. Like really. Not sure if we will go again, and if we do it will definitely not be Anaheim. I think we took WV with us or at least the black cloud that was over our heads. Cold and rainy in the 60s most of the week. And when it wasn't raining, it was still COLD! So much for my big plans to go and lay on the beach. We started having a day with sun and warm, so we headed out to long beach....on our way the sky turned black....a few minutes after we got there it started raining. It was so cold we had to use our towels as coats. I got to go in about as deep as my thighs, and I think I could have stood the cold enough to get in, but it was raining, and no one else was swimming, and I was afraid I would be eaten by a shark, lol. It was nice to at least see the ocean, but I definitely did not get my ocean fix, and now I am craving it.

We got to go to Knott's Scary Farm, and it was probably the best thing we did the whole trip. It was a billion times better than Fright Farm. They had monsters everywhere, and they really put themselves in the characters, and they scared the shit out of me many many times. I lost my voice because of this. They had awesome mazes, and their rollercoasters were still open for the night. It's a whole new dimension riding a loopty in the dark! We also got to watch this fantastic magic show that was ran by Ed Allonzo (the magician that owned Max's on Saved by the Bell). He did an amazing magic show, and he was so hilarious. He even added perviness to the show. He even started talking about masturbation, and then looked at Russell and said "you know what I'm talking about dude" and then he went to give Russell a high five, and then stopped and said "nevermind I see you're busy" HAHAHA! So funny. There was even a part of the act done by the woman who had no legs and she did an up in the air rope act, and she did a trampoline act. This woman had the biggest arms I have ever seen on a woman that wasn't beefed up with steroids.

Our hotel was terrible. We figured out why it was so cheap. They nickel and dimed you for everything. Parking was $11 per day. We had to pay $50 for one week of internet. There is no continental breakfast, but hey they do have a hotel restaurant on site. They had $3 bottles of water on your desk trying to get you to drink it. And they charged us $3 for a receiving and handling of a package fee that we were never informed about until we were checking out. We even told them ahead of time that we would be receiving a package. And so much for charging of the handling since Russell had to walk to the office to get it himself. For $3 they should have been hand delivering that package to my hotel door and kissing my feet before they left. We even got accused by one of the non-english speaking maids that our room was not our room, and she made us get out by waiving her finger at us. It's so funny that BOTH of our key cards decided to quit working at the same time, and it just happened to be when the maid was in our room wanting to prove that it was OUR room. Did we get an apology from the hotel for the fact that our keys stopped working and caused us grief? No. Not only did they not apologize, but they tried to act like it was TERRIBLE that our maid wouldn't let us in our room...umm hello....she did her job by making sure someone else wasn't saying it was their room to take our stuff. It was YOUR fault that our keys didn't work...not hers. Safe to say we will never go there again. And you should not either. It's the Anabella in Anaheim, CA. Do not go there. Seriously. They also kick you out of their pool at 10pm...and they stop serving drinks at their bar at midnight. Who does that?!?!

The bad luck continued through out our whole vacation. We went to Universal Studios. Apparently they are only open from 10am-5pm in the fall....yet they still charge you FULL price. We got there at 11 due to bad traffic, and then we had to wait in line to buy our ticket for over an hour because the lady working the booth was RETARDED! We finally got in and luckily they were slow enough that we were able to get on the rides we wanted to do one time and then leave. Totally not worth $79 a piece.

We did get to go to this awesome restaurant that was small and off the grid. It was a Brazilian BBQ, and I am craving it right now. They had a bar with typical Brazilian food like black bean stew and white rice and collard greens that were amazing. The biggest part to the restaurant was the BBQ meat! They had 7 rounds of fresh meat brought to your table on a metal stake where the waiter would carve the meat onto your plate right there at the table. As much as you wanted. They had sausage, chicken, pork, sirloin steak, garlic steak and many other kinds of meat. All of them juicy and all of them had a piece to it cooked exactly the way you wanted it! All of the meats were slow roasted all day, and they kept bringing the meat until you said stop. We went twice, and the one time we went we were the only ones there because it wasn't quite dinner rush time yet, and we had star one on one meat treatment. Awesome. I totally wish we had a place like this around here because I would go there every day. Mmmm meat. We also ate at places like Fire and Ice which is a Mongolian grill that you put what you want in a bowl and they cook it right there in front of you (a popular choice from last year as well), Cheesecake Factory, Bubba Gump Shrimp, Red Lobster (where I had FRESH wood fire grilled salmon and crab legs), and a very questionable place called Tiffy's where we had the worst service I had ever had. They ran out of coke, our food took an hour and a half and the food was terrible, and Russell ending up crapping his pants the whole next morning and our friend Joey puked. Mmm still thinking about meat. Meat. MEAT!!

Did I mention 60s and raining almost the whole week?? In California....
The weather was better in WV!!

We totally should have just stayed home, relaxed, and spent our $4000 on something else. Because this trip sure was NOT worth it.


OHH, and did I mention when we got back our dogs got lost for 4 hours? They took off after a deer or something, and then just never came back. We searched everywhere! But there is so many woods around here that there would be no way to find them. We thought maybe they were hurt or someone found them and picked them up and took them. We really thought we would never see them again, and you have no idea what that feels like. Imagine you have a baby or child and they are missing. For 4 hours. How would you feel? A neighbor saw them walking up our driveway and came and told us. He said they wouldn't get in his truck and would not follow him which is good because now we know someone would not be able to steal them easily. I immediately jumped on the 4-wheeler and sped down the driveway and picked them up. Poor Russell only saw Dexter when I was coming back up with them and thought Citi was still missing but I was holding her in my arms and she blended in with my shirt I guess. We had a great reunion, and so glad that are home and safe with us! I don't ever want to leave my puppy again!! From now on there will be full family vacations lol.

Umm. Yuck.

What happens when a certain puppy snarfs a dead rotten animal off the ground and swallows it whole so you can't take it from him? He barfs it up on your bedroom floor at 4 in the morning of course! After coming --><-- this close to purging it on your bed. Luckily it was surrounded by a cocoon of half digested dog food so all I could see was some sort of ear sticking out...otherwise mommy would have been barfing, too! Thanks Dex! I'm guessing either a huge mouse, bird, or flying squirrel. Did I mention that maggots and a big black spot were left in the grass where he snatched it from?

True Blood is officially over until next summer. Finale was a big disappointment. There was no finalizing to it at all. Everything was left open - like a lead up for next season. Seemed like a mid-season episode. They were definitely off-track from the books this season. Again. But I am looking forward to the Harlow/Eric story for next season. And they better do it right!

I usually despise it when people try to get attention out of another person's loss, but I promise this is not for attention. Someone who was only a year older than me died tragically last night, and it has me scared to my bones. One second you're here, and then the next you are gone. And the scariest part is that it can happen to any of us. We may think that it will never happen to us, but it can, and it will. We could die tomorrow. It just takes one second, and we could be gone. Or someone that we love so much that we can't live without them can be gone. I've always had a big problem with death, and I've gotten pretty good at putting it away and not thinking about it, but something like this just smacks you in the face and brings it all back. I may have never been friends with him, but I hurt for him. I hurt for his young daughter. I hurt for his friends and family. The only thing I ask is that I hope he did not see it coming, and I hope there was no pain. It bothers me that we will never know why something like this happens. So many young people. And somehow I just wait for it to hit closer to home. And it makes me so sick to my stomach.

I am so not ready for this week to start. School is back (not like I had a summer free, but at least I had 2 weeks to breathe). Job sucks. I so thought that coming to this new company would solve all the job issues, but there seems to be all the same issues, and I'm wondering if they didn't just follow my "supervisor" from the old job to the new job. Possibly going to CAMC if they call with a job offer.

Clinicals went well this summer. My preceptor gave me a great evaluation. I'm hoping to learn a lot more this Fall and be able to apply myself better. I need to do a lot more self-study so I can learn the things I've been missing.

California is in less than 2 months, and I am so ready...well, other than the losing weight part. But I'm so ready for a vacation. I may still have to do class that week, but it will only be our 3rd day there, and not much going on that day. I'm just hoping there won't be a test that week, so I can just relax and enjoy my break. There will be some catching up on clinical hours that I'll have to do, but it will be totally worth it.

Puppies are doing good. Dexter was sick, but some antibiotics fixed him right up. He had a small case of kennel cough. He's so much like my own baby, and I'm so lucky to have him. He makes me laugh all the time, and he's always full of love and hugs/kisses.

I've also been lucky to find a very best friend, Adrienne. She is just so great. We like most of the same things (excluding ranch and sour cream, lol), and she wants to be with me to actually be with me and not because she wants something from me. I just wish we lived closer. She lives in Fairmont, but she's always up for taking turns to stay weekends with each other. Dexter's always depressed when they have to leave us :*(

Faith Mountain is driving us crazy. No privacy whatsoever. Will discuss this more later.

Russell just had a birthday. Big 28. He wanted grilled cheese with bacon in it for his birthday dinner! lol I got him seasons 1-7 of Penn and Teller and some other things, so we've been watching that a lot together.

Did I mention that I hate my job? Where is this magical job that I love?

Oh and I got a scholarship that will give me a stipend of $3600 per semester. I like free money.

True Blood only has 3 episodes left, and that makes me sad...however, Weeds just started on Mondays along with The Big C, so that makes me a little happy.

Think I'm getting sick. Ugh. So not good timing for this.

Schooools out for summer...or not.

I've been assigned to do my clinicals at Primary Care Systems in Clay. My mentor's last name is Boner...seriously. How will I not giggle every day? I'm nervous because I feel like I don't know anything, and they are going to see right through me. This place is not only a clinic, but they also do urgent care, so that will be a good experience I think. The only crappy thing is it's around a 45 minute drive from home, but almost everything is a long drive for me anymore. I start the week of July 1st.

I had an interview at hospice yesterday. They seemed to really like me and what I had to say, but they said to give them 2 weeks before they let me know because they put an ad in the paper and were going to do more interviews. They didn't come right out and say it, but I'm thinking they are concerned about having to work with my clinical schedule. After all, I have to do 20 hours of clinicals per week for 6 weeks, and 16 hours per week for Fall and Spring semesters. My life is going to suck this year it seems. Oh, not to mention that I will have class on top of that. I also have to keep a log on all the patients I see which takes time, but I think it will be an interesting thing to keep track of to see what all I have done.

I'm trying to learn more with my classes, but there is so much information that it is hard.

Meh.

Memory lane is closed...so why are all the immigrants breaking the baracade?

WOW,I just found my old Blurty from 2004/2005...the days before the Blogger. I've been reading them, and my life back then sounded much more happy and simple. I was excited about EVERYTHING! And that was the days of my big weight loss. Such motivation I had. Where did it go? I think I was happier because I felt healthier and much better about myself in general. Not that I'm not happy now, but I was more of a giddy person back then, and somehow I have lost some of that along the way. I still think it's because of the weight. Maybe reading these will help me get back in the groove!

Man, I even had cool and witty titles like thee one above!

EXCUSES

Why do I always have an excuse to not start WW? I'm paying for it. Shouldn't that be incentive enough? I want to lose weight before we go to CA in October and in general, but I always have an excuse to wait. Past excuses: "This week is my birthday; This weekend we're going to visit friends; Russell's mom is having a cookout; First week of work, who knows where I'll end up eating; etc. etc. etc." It's always something. Why does food have to be so important to me? Apparently more important than feeling good about myself. I remember when Russell and I got married and lived in our first apartment, I did WW like there was nothing else. I stuck to it, and I lost a lot of weight. I was even down to the 150s, looking good, feeling good, getting out and exercising because I WANTED to! And BAM, out of nowhere, I got tired of counting points and stopped. And then everything came back, plus a ton more. Why did I do this? I HAVE NO FRICKING CLUE! And that is one of the biggest things that bother me. Because I was doing so well and feeling so good! Why did I let this happen? Now I have more weight to lose than ever. I can't even fit in a lot of my clothes or what used to be loose and baggy now fits. Where do I find motivation? When will the excuses end so I can start? It's like I know how to eat healthy, and I don't at the same time. Breakfast and lunch I know how to eat. Dinners are so hard for me. I'm not a great cook, so it's hard for me to cook healthy for both of us. Every time I look for websites with good healthy EASY recipes, I end up finding ones that have thing I've never even heard of. Oh looky, another excuse. They just pop up everywhere, don't they?

In other news, we're going to Adrienne and Clinton's this weekend, and I am sooo excited! I love seeing them because we're just all friends. The boys are friends, the girls are friends, and we're just all friends with each other, and we get along so well! We all like doing the same things! Even our puppies like each other, and they love to play together! Adrienne and I (and possibly the boys) are going to have a shopping day on Friday! Not that I need to be spending money, but it will be so much fun! Maybe we can talk the boys into watching Sex and the City! So, yet another excuse to eat horribly for the rest of the week and all weekend. Maybe I can get my shit together for next week?! Maybe.

Oh, and we had a great time last night with Russell's parents. We had a weenie roast down by the pond with a big fire! We just hung around for hours and talked and just enjoyed each others company. We're thinking about having a picnic down there for July 4th and doing some fishing! We've seen some HUGE small mouth bass in there, so we're excited to see what we catch!

Long, overdue update.

Wow, it's been a while. As always. What has been going on?

• Dad is now in jail for his trying to run over a police officer and fleeing, etc. etc. I say good riddance. He is where he belongs. I'm not even sure how long he will be there. I was so worried about running into him now that I live in Braxton, but a judge took care of that for me.
• Loralei supposedly had her 3rd child a few weeks ago. Another girl. I hope it eats her.
• Russell's sister Kim is pregnant with another boy and due in August.
• Brittany is PREGNANT AGAIN and due in November I think. Kylee is around 6 months old. She's really pretty.
• We've booked our trip to California for October 17-25th. We're staying at the Anabella which is right beside the Convention Center for Blizzcon. Not sure what all we're going to get into this year, but we have lots of new online friends that we are excited to meet as well as some ones we met last year that we hope are going to make it again, and I definitely want to go to the beach and see Nikki!! This year I hope to get a prescription for Xanax or something for the plane ride because I had an anxiety attack on one of the planes last year. Those things SUCK! One of the planes on the way there and on the way back are only 2-seaters, so hopefully that will help.
• I'm majorly disliking my job. Lots of stupid shit going on such as trying to not give me health insurance after was already promised it. And I'm sorry to say it because it makes me sound selfish, BUT I am worth a lot more money than what I'm getting paid right now. In other words, I'm job searching.
• School sucks but is over in a week, and then I get 2.5 weeks break. I have a big proficiency exam that I have to take next week that I have to pass with an 85% or better in order to do clinicals. Russell thinks that I'm going to like school more and know that this job will be something that I will like whenever I get into my clinicals. He thinks I'm really going to enjoy assessing and diagnosing people, and I hope he's right. We discussed yesterday what we would have done if we had to do it all over, and he thought he would have done something in computers (which he would have been really good at), and I'm not sure about me. I definitely wouldn't have gotten two degrees before going to MS. Russell thinks I would have went into wound care nursing, and I agree that I really would have enjoyed that. If I wouldn't have wasted all this money getting my masters, then I would still do that now. Gross wounds just sounds like something I would like, lol.
• So far the treadmill has been collecting dust. I've only used it like three times so far. I just need to get myself in gear, and I know I will use it more. I've just been really lazy in my small amount of free time that I get lately.
• I would love to just quit working and be a stay at home wifey. I don't think I enjoyed it enough when I didn't have a job because I was going through depression and withdrawls from my meds. I miss being home every day to take care of the pups and make my Rusty lunch.
• Dexter is still getting huge. He weighs around 48 pounds now (via Wii Fit of course). He likes to act like he's a big mean doggy when there is a "trespasser" or he thinks an animal is outside or something scares him, but he always jumps on mommy's lap for protection while he does his big boy bark and growl, lol. He's so funny. He also likes to jump in your seat while you're in the middle of sitting down because he knows he'll get attention if he's in your seat, lol. I love my puppy so much, and he makes me giggle. I don't know what I would do without him.
• Citi still has her splint on from where she tore the ligaments in her leg. She should be able to get it off next week. As of right now, she sounds like a pirate with a peg leg when she walks down the hallway! :)
• We had a "work party" on the mountain last Saturday and another one is scheduled for this Saturday. We got most of the horse stables built and a lot of things done on the inside of the building. I don't like having my free time taken away because I feel like I am expected to volunteer my time to help, but these are things that need done. It's also Russell and my only day "off" together, and it makes me mad that he is definitely expected to be there for work even though he is only supposed to work until 11 on the weekends. He only gets one full, real day off on Tuesdays and then half days on the weekends, so that deal kind of sucks. It's hard to tell your parents that they aren't treating you like a real employee...

Well, that's all for now. Maybe I'll update more often. Or maybe not.

If there are almost 30 towels in your cottage, and you only have 20 people staying there, how do you manage to use all of the towels in one night (bath towels and dish rags). This is the same amount that people typically use in one week...and you used it in one night. And same with the trash bags. How did you use all the trash bags that someone would use in a week IN ONE NIGHT? Seriously? Thank you for ringing our home doorbell multiple times to let us know you needed more trash bags because you used them all IN ONE NIGHT while we were enjoying our only day off together...ish, since Russell already had to sit in the office until noon...but you wait until after that to come ring our home doorbell. Thanks. I think church ladies are the worst ever.

Am I an uber grouch? Yes.

This is going to be a terrible week.

I have to spend my whole day in Charleston Tuesday doing pap smears and who knows what else, then taking a test in the library, and probably class, too, because they like making me drive home in the dark. I hate you WVU.

I invented post-its.

Things are about to change at work. The social worker that they hired to do the program with me has quit. No 2 week notice. Just quit. So this could be good or bad. I'm going to try to see this as good. This means that I have twice as many clients now because I'll be taking over hers as well (well, I'm assuming this...I haven't spoken to my boss, yet, but there isn't even enough clients to split the case load in two and have two full-time workers). Since I have been only getting 10-13 hours a week, I see this as a good thing. Although, when I say I have only been getting 10-13 hours per week, I mean I have only been getting paid for that much and actually working probably twice that amount. There is so much paperwork, and organizing, and mailing to do, but the job is only based on billable time right now, which means I only get paid for what I can bill the client (i.e. going to a home visit or calling them on the phone). If I'm going to take on this many clients, things are going to have to change. I'm going to request to my boss that the position be changed to a "regular" employee as in I get paid for what work I put into it. If I come into the office, I get paid for it. If I call 40 clients, and only 2 of them answer the phone, I get paid for the time I spent calling all of these clients rather than only getting paid for 15 minutes billable time. I am a busy person. I have three graduate level classes right now. I have a home, husband, 2 dogs, a cat, and goldfish to take care of. I have friends and family I would like to see. And I would like to be paid for the work that I put into something...especially since the program is around 4 months behind and everything is in disarray, and I'm not going to put it back to rights for free. Being organized takes time, and I am not willing to put my free time into it when I can go somewhere else, get paid for what work I do, and probably get paid more. Did I mention that I accepted this job for $6 less than what I was making in Morgantown. And I still don't have insurance and won't for like another 2 months? And my boss doesn't know anything about the program that she monitors? And I had no orientation and have been having to take MY FREE TIME to learn how to do my job? It really sounds like I am crazy for even staring there, BUT they need someone to help, and there are good points to this job. Maybe I should ask for my own desk, too, since there is one empty where someone left a post-it note that said "I quit".

I love post-its.

I really thought that 2010 was going to be a good year. And so far, I would have to say that it's the same bullshit as 2009. Somehow I always manage to dig myself a hole and fall in it. I'm always so relieved to claw my way back out, but it seems like as soon as I'm standing on flat ground, I jump right back in the hole. It's exhausting. I am so far behind in my classes that I just want to quit and be done with it. I haven't figured out, yet, if it's because I'm too lazy, or I just don't give a shit. Maybe they go hand-in-hand. I have 2 tests this week that I will probably fail like I failed the last one. Not because they are hard, but because I don't do the work required to know the material to do well on the test. I need to be working on a seminar with a group, and all the group members secretly hate me because I haven't come to any of the group meetings, and so far I have not contributed at all...although our project isn't even due until May. But I'm a terrible person for spending my time doing other things. They haven't said anything like this, but I know better.

Ok, so what was written above I wrote last night, never finished it, so it never got published. I'm feeling a little better today. I know I have so much that needs to be done, and I just need to quit whining, quit sitting on my ass, and get it done. I'm not getting many hours at work, yet, my house is a disaster area (hasn't been cleaned in weeks, and you know what this means when you have shed crazy dogs who track mud and dirt inside the house and have accidents, etc), and I am so far behind in my classes. I failed my last test, and I told myself that I was not going to do that again. I have a test Tuesday and one Thursday. The one Thursday is on like 5 or 6 weeks worth of class that I haven't even listened to. The one tomorrow is on Male genitalia and rectum and some other stuff, too, lol. Which reminds me that I actually had to watch a movie last night on how to do a penile and scrotal exam....and a rectal exam....on a live model. I totally saw his butthole which made me giggle, and then I felt a little better. Why can't I just get it together?? Can someone help me GET IT TOGETHER?!

It's President's Day?

Have you ever had to pee so bad that you couldn't even make it up your driveway and into the house for the bathroom? That happened to me today. Let's start from the beginning...

I got up early, showered, dressed, and even put on makeup to go into work. I haven't been in a while because of how bad the roads have been up here on the mountain. I was so proud of myself. So I pull into the typically full work parking lot only to find that there are merely three cars in the parking lot. Then I go to the door, and of course it's locked. And why is that? Because it's president's day. Really? Yes, I really went out for nothing today. So I went and had breakfast at Shoney's to see mommy. I was there for quite a while, and mom gave me a late house warming gift which I will takes pictures of and post later (hint: it went up on my mantle). And I also bought a couple decorative things to go up on the walls (which I will also post later). And btw, I was very proud of myself for that, too, today because I put all these things up on the wall instead of setting them aside to do later. Anyway, back to the point. I had to pee before I left Shoney's, but I figured it would be fine until later, so I left.

Then I went to go get Russell's car checked at Skeeter's which was a waste of my time, and I needed to go to the bank, so I went to park, and guess what...it's president's day, the bank is not open. Well, shit. So, I went on my merry way and stopped at the animal hospital to pick up some frontline, chews, and interceptor. I had to pee there, too, but did I? No. Then I had to stop to pick up Russell some pepto, and the I was on my way home.

I was fine until I was a few miles from home, and the pee bomb hit me. I tried so hard to hold it. It was so bad that I thought I was going to pee in Russell's car seat, and then he would have been maaaaad. I needed to pick up the mail so I pulled over beside the mailbox, and I could not move. I had to pee so bad that if I moved one inch, I was going to pee in my pants and on said car seat. I finally came to a point where I could get out of the car, but I knew 100% that I would not make it up to the house to pee...so I pulled down my pants by the dumpster on the side of the road, and I peed. Do not judge me.

Oh, and btw....the mail didn't run today. Because IT'S PRESIDENT'S DAY! You think I would have gotten this by now.

Grave Secret by Charlaine Harris

Great book and series! I actually made a gasp noise out loud while reading this book. It wasn't until after I was finished that I found out that this will be the fourth and final book in the series. It does end with questions being answered, but you can always hope that something else can come out of it. But apparently, she has decided that she will not be writing any more in this series. Everyone should should read these books. Charlaine is such a great writer!

Silly faggot, dicks are for chicks!

My makeup obsession has been getting progressively worse this week. For instance, I have been browsing many makeup websites (i.e. clinique, e.l.f., sephora, etc.) and clicking on many things to buy and then not buy them! I finally made a "small" purchase today just to make myself feel better. I did not get the clinique gift with purchase, however I did buy from clinique.com. I purchased a full-sized bottle of 7 day scrub which is the bomb! I got a sample size from a free gift with purchase a while back, and I have used the whole bottle which does not happen a lot for me, so I decided it was worth the $18 to get some more.

I highly recommend this product. It really makes your skin glow, and it gets rid of all the yuckies and flakies on your face. It really makes your skin smooth, and you can use it on your hands and your lips as well! And because I bought this, I got two freebies!

First is the Super City Block Oil-Free daily face protector SPF 40 sample. This product had 5 star reviews. It not only protects your skin from the sun, but it's tinted for a slight sheer foundation type coverage, and it covers the oil on your face. I'm really excited to try this. They also have a full-sized product in SPF 25 if you need less of a coverage from the sun (which I would probably get if I bought the larger product).

Secondly is my trial size of Clinique Happy! I have wanted to get Happy for years now, but I don't know if I would like it enough to use a huge bottle (which is $40 for their smallest size), so I was happy to get this trial size to use for a while to make sure I REALLY like it before I spend that much money on a huge bottle and then not want to use the whole thing.


And no I am not against homosexuals (as per my title). I'm just watching "But I'm a Cheerleader" and I think it's funny! I looove that movie!

And I just realized that none of the stuff I am getting from clinique is actually makeup, but I'm realizing that I am having fun being more of a girl. If I could just lose some weight, I would be one hawt chic...with my cool makeup and good smellies. My goal is to be able to wear a bathing suit in public on the beach this summer (whether it be a one piece or a two piece) without wanting to stay covered up with a robe the whole time. Still trying to get Russell to decide on my treadmill!!!

New blog banner...looks like crap, but I made it myself, so here's to working on a better one!! :)

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Soap Box

I'm going to hop on my soap box for a while and tell you what I think. What is so wrong and scary about assisted suicide? Those who fight against this and think it is so evil have not watched someone lay there and suffer as they die. Yes, death is scary. I am one to admit that because death is one of the biggest fears that I have. So much so that once I get to thinking about it, it makes me cry and want to puke. I have stayed up many nights thinking about this. Death is fucking scary! BUT, suffering is also scary. I think if I were terminal, there were no options to save me, and I was just waiting to die a slow and painful death, I would want to be able to make my own choice whether I wanted to die slowly or die with dignity. I watched Scrubs the other day, and it was about a patient that was terminal, and the way she was going to die was awful. She would slowly become paralyzed until all she could do would be to lay there until he lungs stopped working and she suffocated. She wanted to end her life on her own terms, and I think that is a very brave thing. She had already said goodbye to everyone she loved, so why put yourself AND your family through that. Why do we allow animals the dignity of not suffering, but we do not allow people the same right. If you had witnessed someone miserable and in pain waiting to die, then you would understand. We give them morphine and every drug in order to keep them "comfortable" while they die, so why can't we allow them to go in peace. Sorry about my soap box, but I just saw a commercial for a Dr. Kevorkian movie, and it made me think. Thinking about death is so upsetting for me, but sometimes I just can't help it. There have been many times where Russell has had to talk me down or get my mind on other things because I have been on the verge of freaking out. It's been a long time since that has happened. Maybe it was the crazy pills. Ok, time to start thinking of something else.

We just watched Temple Grandin, and it was such a wonderful movie. I can't believe how amazing of a person she is. Autism is such a hard thing, and she was strong enough to break free from some of the prisons of the syndrome. I would love to meet her.

I've been thinking hard about some other things lately, too. It has been a hard process the past couple of days. It is very difficult when something that you have long feared smacks you straight in the face. It's not such a bad thing because sometimes when that happens it can steer you in the right direction and can cause the change in your life that is much needed. I'm hoping this is the case because if not, then the pain was for nothing.

In other news, we broke the bed today. And we still haven't fixed it. We'll possibly be sleeping in the guest bedroom tonight, hahaha!

The Buzz...buzzzzzzzzzzz.

I recently bought a bunch of new products from Sephora.com, and I wanted to let you know what I think of a few of them. I recently stumbled upon a make-up brand called urban decay. I'm not sure if anyone else has ever heard of it because I don't think there are any stores in WV, but I loooooooooooove it!! It is more of an edgy kind of make-up, but they also have neutrals, so you can do either or mix and match. I actually bought a few of their products to try. I read rave reviews about their 24/7 glide-on eye pencil in zero (black), and boy were they right. It is freaking awesome!! I have never used an eyeliner like this before. It does exactly what the name implies....glides on. It's so creamy and just draws right on you without having to go over and over the same spot just to make a tiny little mark. It also smudges and blends very easy to get the look you want, but it dries within a couple minutes into a waterproof line that does not budge. I don't think I will ever use another eyeliner again!! They have a bajillion colors from zealous black (zero) to bright aquamarine (electric) to brilliant deep copper (lucky). Some of the pencils even have silver sparkles or gold glitter within the color. I want to try more colors, but for right now I just spent a lot of money on make-up so I may hold off on that. I DEFINITELY recommend this pencil, and I think everyone should go to their website and buy some now!!

Another product I bought from urban decay is their Eyeshadow Primer Potion. Just like the pencil, it is awesomeness. I have only used it once or twice so far, but it is fabulous! It makes a very nice canvas for your eyeshadow. It works well especially if you wear make-up for a long time during the day because it makes your eyeshadow stay put longer, it makes the eyeshadow a more true to form color (more vibrant), and it keeps your eyeshadow from making the little creasies that I hate so much. It swipes on creamy with an angled brush, and it dries almost instantly. I would definitely buy again if I ran out, but it's not something that I absolutely need. Notice that it also comes in a cutsie bottle! :)

I bought more goodies, but I'll review more of those later. Everything is going well for me right now. The job started off kind of frustrating. No one really wanted to train me because everyone had so much on their plate already. The company is having financial problems right now because they don't have enough money since they haven't had people working certain programs lately because of people leaving to go elsewhere. And of course...the economy (insert Twilight Zone music). AND I don't get paid for a typical hourly rate. I get paid for what they call "billable time" which means if they get paid for what I'm doing, then I get paid. Which means I could possibly be doing tons of work that I won't be paid for. Everyone keeps telling me that you have to be creative to get paid, and this is very different than what I am used to, so that has had little bells and alarms going off in my head. I haven't exactly been stressed, but frustrated and a little disappointed because I was really looking forward to this job. So since things weren't starting out the best, I told myself that I was going to stick it out for a bit, dig my nose in while I am getting paid by the hour for orientation, and see if I can figure it all out. Today was my 6th day there, and it's already getting better. I'm not working billable time, yet, until next week, BUT I'm feeling more comfortable with what I need to do. I'm really excited to be able to get out there and help people that really need it. And I know that I can get this billable nonsense worked out. Plus I have a couple family members in the program, so I can get paid to just go visit them, lol. It is really nice to feel like I'm a part of a team, and that by doing my job I actually make a difference. I didn't feel that way in the hospital because I am one of many. If I don't do the job then a hundred people will line up to take my place. This job is different. Not everyone is made to be able to do this job, and I feel proud that I am. Everyone at the office is so nice, and they accepted me from day one as part of the team. They seemed grateful that I was there to help. I'm really happy to have this job even though it doesn't pay as much as I would like. It's nice to feel like I'm contributing to our family once again. And I've enjoyed making myself look pretty for work. I've really been getting into the make-up stuff lately (which if you know me well enough, then you know I RARELY wear make-up unless it's a dressy occasion). I've been having fun playing with my new products, and I'll be doing some more personal reviews on these products soon. :)

Love,

Me.

Still no word from my job interview. I called and got a voicemail, so I left a message. It's at least common courtesy to call someone and let them know even if they did not get the job so they don't sit around thinking about it forever and a day. I have better things to think about....like my ever growing list of homework and school decisions.

Bootylicious

You know what's funny? You'd think that weighing yourself and seeing that you've gained 15 pounds in the past few months would get your ass moving to want to lose the weight. I am so uncomfortable in my body right now that I can't even stand to be naked to take a shower. I know that sounds stupid, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm looking into getting a cheap treadmill, so I'm hoping that if I find and buy one, then I will be motivated to diet as well. How did food become so important to me? Why would someone choose eating whatever they want over being comfortable in your own skin? I do not have the answer to this, but I would love to hear from someone who does! Maybe this knowledge will kick start me into a healthier lifestyle. I would love to do Jenny Craig. I hear that the food is awesome, and of course it takes the thinking out of losing weight. It's so expensive, but I think it would get me used to eating healthier foods and also cutting down to the right portion size. If whatever job I get pays decent, then I just may do it for a while to get me started, then switch over to weight watchers to continue. I've done this before. I lost a lot of weight eating healthy and exercising, and then I just quit. I have no idea why, and that bothers me. I'm at the heaviest weight that I have ever been. It is ridiculous how little willpower I have when it comes to food. Chips? Of course eating that is worth being fat for...but it's not. Why can't I get that through my head?

They took our JERBS!

I finished reading "The Pact". It was a very heartbreaking book, but very good also. I definitely recommend reading it sometime. My next book will probably be school books for a while. I am determined to actually learn this semester, so I'm going to try my best to keep up and read the chapters assigned.

This snow is getting so annoying. It just keep piling up and up and up. At least we still have power this time. I can endure any amount of snow as long as I have my electric and water!

I've been offered the job at CAMC, but I would really not rather take it unless I have to. Thankfully, I just got a call today, and I have an interview on Monday morning for Mountain Cap in Sutton. The job is Right from the Start project coordinator, so I would be getting clients, and educating them on their pregnancies and infant care for the first year of life. I would also be able to help those mothers in need that do not have clothes, diapers, cribs, etc. by working with other organizations to get them what they need. It sounds like a great program, and I am excited for the interview. I don't think I'm going to get paid what I would like, but I am willing to take a pay cut to do something that I find interesting and could possibly enjoy doing.

School starts next week. I have tons of stuff going on, so hopefully I won't have any trouble getting back into the groove of things.

10th Sookie Stackhouse!! Due May 2010.

This could be the year.

Just finished reading Sookie Stackhouse for the second time all the way through. I love those books so much. They are very important to me, and I feel like such a part of their lives when I am reading them. I cannot wait until the 10th book comes out in May. I'm expecting it to be a good one since so many questions were left unanswered in the most recent one. They have the first chapter available on Charlaine's website already, but unfortunately you cannot make predictions on this one based on the first chapter. The whole chapter is very vague, but did answer one question of mine from the end of the previous book. Since I have to wait so long for the next installment, I'll tell you about some books that I am reading now and some books that I am planning on reading.

Right now I am ready "The Pact" by Jodi Picoult. She's the author that wrote "My Sister's Keeper" which is a fantastic book. Russell bought this one for me for Christmas. It was a very thoughtful gift since he did research to find a new book that I hadn't read, but he knew I would like and appreciate. The book is about young love...a boy and a girl that grew up in houses next to each other. For some reason or another, they made a suicide pact, and the boy killed the girl so she wouldn't have to do it herself, and then he was supposed to kill himself afterward. I don't mind telling you this since this information is all on the first page. But where this is going to lead, I am not sure. So far it has kept my interest. I have a hard time reading a book if it doesn't catch my interest in the first chapter, so kudos to Mrs. Picoult for a great jumping off point.

Some other books that I'm wanting to read in the near future:

"The Time Traveler's Wife"
"Grave Secret" (another Charlaine Harris series - book 4)....I do recommend her other works!

And I know there are many others, but I am getting tired all of the sudden, so I will have to think of this more next time.

Nighty night!