A couple are having dinner at a restaurant and the husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years a go? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
"Yes", she says, "I remember it well."
"Ok," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but very good idea!"
There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them.
They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks.
Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.
Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The Policeman, still watching thinks, this was truly amazing. I've got to ask them what their secret is.
As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence!"
Friday, September 30, 2005
Doing it in the bushes and other things
I am sitting in the library right now. That is how bored I am and how I have absolutely nothing to do. Even my iPod is dead...damn. I just took my psyc test, and I got done with that 20 minutes early, and now I have another hour until I can go to plant pathology (I got a 94% on that test btw).
So, what has been going on, you ask. Well, last weekend was Andrea's birthday party. We went and took a lot of pictures (I am not going to be gay and link it to that when the link is on the right side of the page...lazy). We drank a lil, laughed a lil, and played with the daikot a lil. We had a pretty good time. I was supposed to be the DD, but we all see how that worked out...lol. In other words, I did not drive us home that night. Russell did. I miss hanging out with all those misses bitches and mister bitches. We're going to have to do it more often.
I finally get a freaking day off today. Wal-Mart has been reaming my ass big time. Too many tests x too much work = cranky Tonya. On the other hand, I am moving over to the Service Desk for good, so I get another 20 cent raise. Yes, I do have to put up with a lot of assholes, but oh well. It's a change, and now I don't have to put up with red-lining or zoning at night when they feel like sending people out to do so. I can just stand behind my little desk, do some returns, and seperate stuff that needs to go back on the floor by department. Why am I getting a raise again? It seems the higher pay class you go, the less and less you do. Just think about the managers...well, let's not go into that. The only thing that will suck is when Christmas comes around. RETURN CITY!! All you fuckers wait until after Christmas and then make appointmets to return things. That's how it should be. You make appointments to go to the doctor or dentist. Why not Wal-Mart? It only makes sense. JUST SAY NO TO WAL-MART!! It's like a bad drug that you don't need.
In other news, this Monday is mommy's birthday. I'm going to go in early Sunday morning sometime, give her presents, watch a movie, take her out to eat, and then come home at a reasonable time. I don't know if Russell's coming with me or not, yet, so it might be a long, lonely drive by myself. I don't blame the poor guy for not wanting to go. We're both wore out, but I feel like I should go in and spend some time with mom for her birthday whether he decides he wants to go or not. I got her a new "jogging" outfit...well, walking for her since she loooooves to walk. I also got her some makeup and some sweet pea lotion, and I bought her a new phone, too, because her old one isn't working very well, but her old one has an answering machine on it, so I think I might take this one back and just buy her a new battery for the other one that she already has.
I've still been thinking about the hospital a lot, and I would REALLY like to go since it's what I will be doing for a career, but I'm just now moving into another position, and I would like to preserve my 10% discount for a little longer. Especially since we're going to be buying a house before May. That takes a good deal of supplies. I will be extremely depressed when I lose my dicount. It's just that important to me that I do not pay full price. 10% really adds up when you shop there a lot, like I do. More of our money goes to Wal-Mart than anywhere else...a good deal more, actually.
Today is clean/dishes/laundry/play games/go to the grocery store and buy liquor so Rusty and I can get each other plastered tonight and do it outside in the bushes with the snake that now inhabits our garden that Brunswick will not take care of because they said they came up there and didn't see anything even though we told them it lived in the wood in front of our apartment and that we should call them again if we see it so they can come up and kill it (when they could easily put snake repelent in) which Russell failed to do because it went crazy and the hoe was too damn big to fit in the area that the snake was so now I am going to get my ass bit whenever I play in the garden of which we are going to have drunken sex in tonight. Whew. LMAO.
Well, now that I've written a complete novel and completely disgusted everyone reading, I think I'll move on to other boring things on the internet whilest I sit here, wishing I were home in bed with Russell...not doing it in the bushes.
So, what has been going on, you ask. Well, last weekend was Andrea's birthday party. We went and took a lot of pictures (I am not going to be gay and link it to that when the link is on the right side of the page...lazy). We drank a lil, laughed a lil, and played with the daikot a lil. We had a pretty good time. I was supposed to be the DD, but we all see how that worked out...lol. In other words, I did not drive us home that night. Russell did. I miss hanging out with all those misses bitches and mister bitches. We're going to have to do it more often.
I finally get a freaking day off today. Wal-Mart has been reaming my ass big time. Too many tests x too much work = cranky Tonya. On the other hand, I am moving over to the Service Desk for good, so I get another 20 cent raise. Yes, I do have to put up with a lot of assholes, but oh well. It's a change, and now I don't have to put up with red-lining or zoning at night when they feel like sending people out to do so. I can just stand behind my little desk, do some returns, and seperate stuff that needs to go back on the floor by department. Why am I getting a raise again? It seems the higher pay class you go, the less and less you do. Just think about the managers...well, let's not go into that. The only thing that will suck is when Christmas comes around. RETURN CITY!! All you fuckers wait until after Christmas and then make appointmets to return things. That's how it should be. You make appointments to go to the doctor or dentist. Why not Wal-Mart? It only makes sense. JUST SAY NO TO WAL-MART!! It's like a bad drug that you don't need.
In other news, this Monday is mommy's birthday. I'm going to go in early Sunday morning sometime, give her presents, watch a movie, take her out to eat, and then come home at a reasonable time. I don't know if Russell's coming with me or not, yet, so it might be a long, lonely drive by myself. I don't blame the poor guy for not wanting to go. We're both wore out, but I feel like I should go in and spend some time with mom for her birthday whether he decides he wants to go or not. I got her a new "jogging" outfit...well, walking for her since she loooooves to walk. I also got her some makeup and some sweet pea lotion, and I bought her a new phone, too, because her old one isn't working very well, but her old one has an answering machine on it, so I think I might take this one back and just buy her a new battery for the other one that she already has.
I've still been thinking about the hospital a lot, and I would REALLY like to go since it's what I will be doing for a career, but I'm just now moving into another position, and I would like to preserve my 10% discount for a little longer. Especially since we're going to be buying a house before May. That takes a good deal of supplies. I will be extremely depressed when I lose my dicount. It's just that important to me that I do not pay full price. 10% really adds up when you shop there a lot, like I do. More of our money goes to Wal-Mart than anywhere else...a good deal more, actually.
Today is clean/dishes/laundry/play games/go to the grocery store and buy liquor so Rusty and I can get each other plastered tonight and do it outside in the bushes with the snake that now inhabits our garden that Brunswick will not take care of because they said they came up there and didn't see anything even though we told them it lived in the wood in front of our apartment and that we should call them again if we see it so they can come up and kill it (when they could easily put snake repelent in) which Russell failed to do because it went crazy and the hoe was too damn big to fit in the area that the snake was so now I am going to get my ass bit whenever I play in the garden of which we are going to have drunken sex in tonight. Whew. LMAO.
Well, now that I've written a complete novel and completely disgusted everyone reading, I think I'll move on to other boring things on the internet whilest I sit here, wishing I were home in bed with Russell...not doing it in the bushes.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Peppermint Lovin'
Yeah, a lot has been going on, and I haven't posted in a while. I know how disappointed all of you are.
Shit #1:
I was on my way to school on a Monday morning a few weeks ago, and my brake line just happened to bust while driving. My brakes went out on my, and I tried to stop, and when I didn't slow very much, of course your first instinct is to push harder on the brakes...welp, I went sliding like I was hydroplaning. Luckily, no one was in front of me, and it was at a stop light. That was right beside of the colliseum, so I went ahead and continued to drive in there to park, utilizing my emergency brake, of course. So, then I called Russell who told me to look under my car, and what do I see? A shit load of fluid leaking out of my rear left tire. So, we both decided that it was better for me to brave driving back toward meineke (once again using emergency brake and going 45mph on the interstate and 25mph down that nasty hill...on the curb so people didn't ram up my ass) because the longer I waited, the less brake fluid I would have, and we really didn't feel like paying for a tow truck...whew, long ass sentence. It was scary as hell!! So, Russell left work to come to Meineke to get me. It's fixed now...thank goodness.
Shit #2:
Russell and I both went to work at 2:00pm on Monday, and around 2:50pm, Russell ripped the hell out of his shoulder. He was doing a team-lift with another stockman, and the customer helped as well. ~Keep in mind that this is a 160lb. entertainment center.~ Well, anyway, the customer dropped his end for some unknown reason, and then e.c. started to fall. So, Russell, using instinct only, grabs with his left arm to catch it. Enough said. He was hurting so bad, and he couldn't even breathe very well, so he went and filled out and accident report, and I clocked out and took him to Med-Express. I like that place. We were going to pay the $115 fee to see the doctor, but since it was a work related injury, they made him fill out a workman's comp form. Oh, well. The doctor gave Russell an excuse off work in order to heal his strained rotary cuff and pec muscles, and prescriptions for Tylenol 3 and Flexril (some kind of muscle relaxant). I brought him home, made him some dinner, doped him up, put some ice on his shoulder, and went back to work. He's off for a whole week, and I hope he's healed good by tomorrow because I don't want him reinjuring himself which happens pretty damn easy with strained muscles. NO LIFTING STUFF FOR YOU, MR. YOUNG!!
In other non-shit news, I got a 39/40 on my psyc 241 exam...not too shabby, and I just took my plant pathology exam, which I think went pretty well. I'll update you on that later when I get my test back.
Russell and I have been playing a lot of world of warcraft lately and having a blast I might add. It helps for one of us to have a whole week off work, and another one to have 4 days off in a row. I was also going to clean really well on those 4 days off, but did that happen? Umm...no.
Tonight is Andrea's birthday party, so I gotta go to get some chips and dip. Should be tons-o-fun. We're going to take our brand-spanking new camera and take lots of incriminating photos to share with all...lol.
Shit #1:
I was on my way to school on a Monday morning a few weeks ago, and my brake line just happened to bust while driving. My brakes went out on my, and I tried to stop, and when I didn't slow very much, of course your first instinct is to push harder on the brakes...welp, I went sliding like I was hydroplaning. Luckily, no one was in front of me, and it was at a stop light. That was right beside of the colliseum, so I went ahead and continued to drive in there to park, utilizing my emergency brake, of course. So, then I called Russell who told me to look under my car, and what do I see? A shit load of fluid leaking out of my rear left tire. So, we both decided that it was better for me to brave driving back toward meineke (once again using emergency brake and going 45mph on the interstate and 25mph down that nasty hill...on the curb so people didn't ram up my ass) because the longer I waited, the less brake fluid I would have, and we really didn't feel like paying for a tow truck...whew, long ass sentence. It was scary as hell!! So, Russell left work to come to Meineke to get me. It's fixed now...thank goodness.
Shit #2:
Russell and I both went to work at 2:00pm on Monday, and around 2:50pm, Russell ripped the hell out of his shoulder. He was doing a team-lift with another stockman, and the customer helped as well. ~Keep in mind that this is a 160lb. entertainment center.~ Well, anyway, the customer dropped his end for some unknown reason, and then e.c. started to fall. So, Russell, using instinct only, grabs with his left arm to catch it. Enough said. He was hurting so bad, and he couldn't even breathe very well, so he went and filled out and accident report, and I clocked out and took him to Med-Express. I like that place. We were going to pay the $115 fee to see the doctor, but since it was a work related injury, they made him fill out a workman's comp form. Oh, well. The doctor gave Russell an excuse off work in order to heal his strained rotary cuff and pec muscles, and prescriptions for Tylenol 3 and Flexril (some kind of muscle relaxant). I brought him home, made him some dinner, doped him up, put some ice on his shoulder, and went back to work. He's off for a whole week, and I hope he's healed good by tomorrow because I don't want him reinjuring himself which happens pretty damn easy with strained muscles. NO LIFTING STUFF FOR YOU, MR. YOUNG!!
In other non-shit news, I got a 39/40 on my psyc 241 exam...not too shabby, and I just took my plant pathology exam, which I think went pretty well. I'll update you on that later when I get my test back.
Russell and I have been playing a lot of world of warcraft lately and having a blast I might add. It helps for one of us to have a whole week off work, and another one to have 4 days off in a row. I was also going to clean really well on those 4 days off, but did that happen? Umm...no.
Tonight is Andrea's birthday party, so I gotta go to get some chips and dip. Should be tons-o-fun. We're going to take our brand-spanking new camera and take lots of incriminating photos to share with all...lol.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Once you pop, the fun don't stop.
Russell bought me a new digital camera off ebay!! It's going to be awesome. It's supposed to be a really good camera, and it had really good reviews on the internet. It's an Olympus C-740 Digital Camera (30x zoom). Definitely expect a lot of pics on here once we get it in the mail.
School is going pretty good. I have three tests next week: psychology, plant pathology, and beef production. That aught to be tuns-o-fun.
Work sucks as always. Tonight I got stuck in jewelry all night, and I ended up having to stick around for a half an hour longer than what I was supposed to be there because the CSM forgot about my break which I didn't get to take until 10:30pm (I was only scheduled till 11:00pm), and then he forgot about me when he was supposed to come and pop my TWO drawers that I had to shut down and turn in before I could leave. I know he was busy, but come on, I would like to leave also.
I haven't been too great on the diet lately. I thought once I got all that new stuff it would excite me again to do a good job and lose a lot of weight. I'm just so stressed/hungry all the time, and I'm always wanting to eat. I think I have an eating disorder..."binge-eater"...one of those people who always has food on the brain and will constantly eat even when they are not hungry and eat a lot when they do eat...only I don't purge, bleh. Just binge-eating without the purging is still considered a disorder (I learned that today in psyc...lol).
The fishies are still going strong and appear to be healthy. I think it's safe to start naming them now. If you have any suggestions, let me know. One is a small black moore, one is a white oranda with an orange brain, one is a pearly calico goldfish, and the last is a pleco (algae eater). We're almost through the cycling process. All the ammonia is now low, and the nitrites are starting to rise to dangerous levels which is very unhealthy for the fish, but I try to change the water 75% every day that I can, I test the water every day, and I put some salt in there to help the fish to be able to buffer with the nitrites around. Nitrites are bad. Although, I was a bad mommy today, and I didn't get to clean it because today was my long day of class then work. But, maybe I'll get a chance to change it before I go to bed. I'm pretty tired, though. So, I'm going to go now. I will take pics of the fishies when I get my camera so you can all see how pretty they are!!
School is going pretty good. I have three tests next week: psychology, plant pathology, and beef production. That aught to be tuns-o-fun.
Work sucks as always. Tonight I got stuck in jewelry all night, and I ended up having to stick around for a half an hour longer than what I was supposed to be there because the CSM forgot about my break which I didn't get to take until 10:30pm (I was only scheduled till 11:00pm), and then he forgot about me when he was supposed to come and pop my TWO drawers that I had to shut down and turn in before I could leave. I know he was busy, but come on, I would like to leave also.
I haven't been too great on the diet lately. I thought once I got all that new stuff it would excite me again to do a good job and lose a lot of weight. I'm just so stressed/hungry all the time, and I'm always wanting to eat. I think I have an eating disorder..."binge-eater"...one of those people who always has food on the brain and will constantly eat even when they are not hungry and eat a lot when they do eat...only I don't purge, bleh. Just binge-eating without the purging is still considered a disorder (I learned that today in psyc...lol).
The fishies are still going strong and appear to be healthy. I think it's safe to start naming them now. If you have any suggestions, let me know. One is a small black moore, one is a white oranda with an orange brain, one is a pearly calico goldfish, and the last is a pleco (algae eater). We're almost through the cycling process. All the ammonia is now low, and the nitrites are starting to rise to dangerous levels which is very unhealthy for the fish, but I try to change the water 75% every day that I can, I test the water every day, and I put some salt in there to help the fish to be able to buffer with the nitrites around. Nitrites are bad. Although, I was a bad mommy today, and I didn't get to clean it because today was my long day of class then work. But, maybe I'll get a chance to change it before I go to bed. I'm pretty tired, though. So, I'm going to go now. I will take pics of the fishies when I get my camera so you can all see how pretty they are!!
Sunday, September 11, 2005
We like the cars - the cars that go boom.
It's been SUPER long since I've actually made a real update. Things are going pretty good. Work sucks...big time! No one there will do anything for you. Especially not the main manager. He acts like he cares, but he doesn't. Oh well. Hopefully, I won't have to worry about it much longer.
School is okay. I like my classes. I had my first test last week, and I got a B. Not too bad, but could have been better.
I found out that once Russell goes back to school there is a good chance that he could get a stipend that would be worth $15,000 for the whole year. So not only would his tuition be paid for, but he would be making more than he does now at Wal-Mart. They do that because they feel that the student should be able to concentrate on their classes and studies without having to work, so that is very nice. I have the teacher for plant pathology right now that he worked for at Brooke's Hall. He looooves Russell.
I've had a cold for a few days. It sucks, but I feel better right now. I hope it stays that way.
I had to push a girl at the PRT the other day. It was funny as hell!! Everyone was crowded around the PRT, but they were all going to the Hospital, so whenever Engineering popped up, no one would move out of the way so people could get through. We all kept saying "EXCUSE ME", so people started to clear a small path. As we were pushing through, this girl was standing there with a huge ass bookbag on that was three times the size of her body, and I said "Excuse me" again, and her ass wouldn't move. So I pushed her ass out of the way. I'm still laughing my ass off about it. She yelled "HOLY COW!", and I just kept walking. *Snicker* Well, I say that's what you get if you won't fucking move. That's normally not like me, but people in this world are starting to really piss me off! I'm getting an attitude problem, and I know it's all because of Wal-Mart...lol. I'm a smart ass to people there anymore. What do you expect me to say when you walk up to me, and I'm wearing my Wal-Mart vest, I am standing at a register, and the light at the register is on, and you ask me if I'm open? Especially if I just got done checking someone else out...yeah, there ARE people who are that stupid around here. I love it when people get pissed at me for not bagging their JUGS OF WATER OR DETERGENT THAT HAVE HANDLES ON THEM MEANT FOR CARRYING PURPOSES. Or how about this: people stand at my register when I first arrive with a new bag, watch me count out some ones and fives, then ask for $100 back with their debit card...DID YOU SEE $100 IN MY DRAWER? No, I didn't think so.
Enough of the ranting. If you would like more dumbass Wal-Mart stories, just let me know.
BTW, Dad called and left a message on my answering machine...it's amazing how you can become so saddened and depressed within 5 seconds. And no, I'm not calling him back. This is the first time I've even heard from him in over a year. So much for daddy's girl.
School is okay. I like my classes. I had my first test last week, and I got a B. Not too bad, but could have been better.
I found out that once Russell goes back to school there is a good chance that he could get a stipend that would be worth $15,000 for the whole year. So not only would his tuition be paid for, but he would be making more than he does now at Wal-Mart. They do that because they feel that the student should be able to concentrate on their classes and studies without having to work, so that is very nice. I have the teacher for plant pathology right now that he worked for at Brooke's Hall. He looooves Russell.
I've had a cold for a few days. It sucks, but I feel better right now. I hope it stays that way.
I had to push a girl at the PRT the other day. It was funny as hell!! Everyone was crowded around the PRT, but they were all going to the Hospital, so whenever Engineering popped up, no one would move out of the way so people could get through. We all kept saying "EXCUSE ME", so people started to clear a small path. As we were pushing through, this girl was standing there with a huge ass bookbag on that was three times the size of her body, and I said "Excuse me" again, and her ass wouldn't move. So I pushed her ass out of the way. I'm still laughing my ass off about it. She yelled "HOLY COW!", and I just kept walking. *Snicker* Well, I say that's what you get if you won't fucking move. That's normally not like me, but people in this world are starting to really piss me off! I'm getting an attitude problem, and I know it's all because of Wal-Mart...lol. I'm a smart ass to people there anymore. What do you expect me to say when you walk up to me, and I'm wearing my Wal-Mart vest, I am standing at a register, and the light at the register is on, and you ask me if I'm open? Especially if I just got done checking someone else out...yeah, there ARE people who are that stupid around here. I love it when people get pissed at me for not bagging their JUGS OF WATER OR DETERGENT THAT HAVE HANDLES ON THEM MEANT FOR CARRYING PURPOSES. Or how about this: people stand at my register when I first arrive with a new bag, watch me count out some ones and fives, then ask for $100 back with their debit card...DID YOU SEE $100 IN MY DRAWER? No, I didn't think so.
Enough of the ranting. If you would like more dumbass Wal-Mart stories, just let me know.
BTW, Dad called and left a message on my answering machine...it's amazing how you can become so saddened and depressed within 5 seconds. And no, I'm not calling him back. This is the first time I've even heard from him in over a year. So much for daddy's girl.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Because of You
I will not make the same mistakes that you did.
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery.
I will not break the way you did.
You fell so hard.
I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far.
Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk.
Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt.
Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me.
Because of you, I am afraid.
I watched you die. I heard you cry every night in your sleep.
I was so young. You should have known better than to lean on me.
You never thought of anyone else. You just saw your pain.
And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing.
Because of you, I try my hardest to forget everything.
Because of you, I am afraid.
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery.
I will not break the way you did.
You fell so hard.
I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far.
Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk.
Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt.
Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me.
Because of you, I am afraid.
I watched you die. I heard you cry every night in your sleep.
I was so young. You should have known better than to lean on me.
You never thought of anyone else. You just saw your pain.
And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing.
Because of you, I try my hardest to forget everything.
Because of you, I am afraid.
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