Soap Box

I'm going to hop on my soap box for a while and tell you what I think. What is so wrong and scary about assisted suicide? Those who fight against this and think it is so evil have not watched someone lay there and suffer as they die. Yes, death is scary. I am one to admit that because death is one of the biggest fears that I have. So much so that once I get to thinking about it, it makes me cry and want to puke. I have stayed up many nights thinking about this. Death is fucking scary! BUT, suffering is also scary. I think if I were terminal, there were no options to save me, and I was just waiting to die a slow and painful death, I would want to be able to make my own choice whether I wanted to die slowly or die with dignity. I watched Scrubs the other day, and it was about a patient that was terminal, and the way she was going to die was awful. She would slowly become paralyzed until all she could do would be to lay there until he lungs stopped working and she suffocated. She wanted to end her life on her own terms, and I think that is a very brave thing. She had already said goodbye to everyone she loved, so why put yourself AND your family through that. Why do we allow animals the dignity of not suffering, but we do not allow people the same right. If you had witnessed someone miserable and in pain waiting to die, then you would understand. We give them morphine and every drug in order to keep them "comfortable" while they die, so why can't we allow them to go in peace. Sorry about my soap box, but I just saw a commercial for a Dr. Kevorkian movie, and it made me think. Thinking about death is so upsetting for me, but sometimes I just can't help it. There have been many times where Russell has had to talk me down or get my mind on other things because I have been on the verge of freaking out. It's been a long time since that has happened. Maybe it was the crazy pills. Ok, time to start thinking of something else.

We just watched Temple Grandin, and it was such a wonderful movie. I can't believe how amazing of a person she is. Autism is such a hard thing, and she was strong enough to break free from some of the prisons of the syndrome. I would love to meet her.

I've been thinking hard about some other things lately, too. It has been a hard process the past couple of days. It is very difficult when something that you have long feared smacks you straight in the face. It's not such a bad thing because sometimes when that happens it can steer you in the right direction and can cause the change in your life that is much needed. I'm hoping this is the case because if not, then the pain was for nothing.

In other news, we broke the bed today. And we still haven't fixed it. We'll possibly be sleeping in the guest bedroom tonight, hahaha!